Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The cops high fived after they tackled you
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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