kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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