I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
