Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
