Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
