I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
