i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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