What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
