im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
