i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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