she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
