every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
