I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
