I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
