I didn't shave. On purpose
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize