dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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