he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
