Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
