I'm lost and stupid without you.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
