Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
