jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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