Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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