Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
