guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
