he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
then he tried to convert me to islam
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
