thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
