No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
