Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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