he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
