Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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