I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
