I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
