Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize