She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
