i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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