So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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