I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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