Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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