If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
