Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
