Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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