he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
