There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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