I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
