Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
