i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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