remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
