Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Someone shattered a urinal.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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