Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
