I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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