he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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