i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
