So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
