...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
