my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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