I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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