he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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