you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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