The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
