How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
