the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
