Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
