Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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