ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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