its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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