We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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