He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
